You are not a bad kid!

Precious Girl,

It's hard not to feel like you are a bad kid sometimes, isn't it?

Maybe you just had an encounter with a person that has left you emotionally stranded, like you keep trying but nothing is ever enough. Maybe you just reacted in anger or frustration because something didn't go the way you planned?

Just because you can't seem to respond to a situation like you want to respond, and it happens over and over again, doesn't mean that you are a bad person. It means that you didn't respond well. If that keeps happening and you can't seem to control it, it may mean that you have a habit. A habit that needs to be broken, but you aren't bad.

Would it help you to know that many of us have bad habits in communication? Habits that we learned so we could protect ourselves, habits that we began because no one told us that they would be hurtful in the long run, or habits that we don't know how to stop because the habit is more secure than the scariness of being open enough to change.

You are not alone.

Imagine a hand reaching out to you as you sit in the corner, angry, sad, disappointed, scared. That hand is everything you want, but feel like you can't have. It's safety; It's security; It's peace.

It's also an invitation to change.

Change isn't always bad.

In so many ways change is healthy and good. It's scary and hard at times, but often creates a space for  growth and challenge in ways that were not possible before. Change can be a catalyst for growth.

We have a choice.

Do we keep responding in the same ways which ultimately make us feel bad about ourselves or do we take the scary step and embrace change?

This is the place where you get to make choices. You are a delightful young woman. You are lovely and lovable. Know that you are loved and accepted outside of your behavior.

Loving you always,

Mom

I Get That You are Mad

Dear Sweet One,

Maybe that is not how I addressed you earlier. Maybe I was frustrated because you were frustrated. Maybe I communicated that being heard was more important than hearing you.

Forgive me. I so wish I could do this perfectly, but I just can't.
Apparently I am just human.

I get that you are mad.

Where do we go from here? Ignore? Pretend?

Can we just look at each other and listen?

Tell me about how your day was ridiculous and you thought that nothing you did went well.
Look at me and see me look at you with compassion.

You are loved and accepted here. I'm sorry it was a rough day.

Let's begin again.

I love you forever,
Mom

It's OK to Feel Alone

Dear and Precious Daughter,

It's okay to feel alone. It really is.

When you feel alone, rest there. It can be painful. It can be heavy. It is also freeing. Being able to sit in your pain. Sit there and be still. That is the gift. To be able to sit even for a few minutes alone and be in your pain means that you aren't self-protecting. You aren't running to the next person to help you (although that isn't a bad thing). It also means you aren't avoiding the pain. Avoiding doesn't make it go away. In that moment that you have the courage to look at your pain you FEEL.

Feeling connects us with the present. It connects us with how we were made and who we are. When we don't feel the pain it takes away from how much we feel the joy in our lives. We were made to be holistic feelers, to feel it all. Just sit. It will be okay. I promise. Even if it takes more time, it will get better.

You are still. You are with yourself. You are with the trueness of who you are.

In the next moment, invite another thought.

Are you really alone? Is it really you against the world?

NO - regardless of your circumstance there are people around you who care about your existence.

You matter.

You matter first to the One who created you, who loves you best and loves you most. You cannot do enough to earn any more love from Him. It's set. He loves you to eternity.

You are loved.

Be active in taking stock of those around you who want to communicate love. Don't discount the love of people who try to love you, but honestly don't speak the same love language as you. They are doing the best they know how.

Look at them, the people around you. These are the people He has appointed around you to love you and walk with you in the midst of the space you occupy. They are in your life to help you understand on a tangible level that you are not alone. They are also there to help you walk through.

Decide for yourself to take a moment to be alone. When this happens, it means you have time to take stock of yourself, to sit with yourself and just be there.

In those moments:

Be courageous. Believe you are loved. Believe you matter. 

It's about believing the truth of who you are and agreeing with it.

My dear, you are a lovely young woman. Believe it.

With much love and true admiration,

Mom